If you’re looking for inspirational quotes, then Brene Brown quotes are exactly what you need to feel empowered and understood.
Brené Brown’s Words feel like that reassuring nudge you need on tough days and a pep talk when you need to hear, “You’ve got this.”
I’ve always believed in the power of words, but hers reach in and tug at something deep inside like they were written just for you. They remind me that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to show up messy and imperfect, and to still be enough.
Her words have been my compass through those tricky, very human feelings: self-doubt, fear, shame, the ones we all face but rarely talk about.
I used to think of “vulnerability” as something to avoid, as it belonged in the same box as weakness or failure. It felt like exposing myself to judgment and hurt. It felt uncomfortable, messy, and honestly, not something I wanted to deal with. That was until I stumbled upon Brené Brown’s TED Talk a few years ago.
Her words hit me like a wake-up call, flipping my perspective. As I soaked up everything she had to say about vulnerability, courage, connection, gratitude, and owning our imperfections, I was a changed person. Seriously.
Her take on courage and connection has taught me that leaning into discomfort isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s where real strength begins.
And her thoughts on imperfection have completely changed how I see myself. As someone who spent way too much time chasing the mythical land of perfection, this was a total game-changer. Instead of beating myself up over flaws, I’ve started seeing them as part of what makes me… me.
And what I admire the most about her is that her wisdom isn’t just research-backed; it’s real and relatable. Whenever I read her words, I feel less alone and want to pass that feeling on to others. They don’t just inspire—they’re a call to show up fully in your life as you are.
Her message is clear: imperfection is human, vulnerability is strength, and connection is the heartbeat of life.
I urge you to read her words, watch her talk, and soak up her wisdom. I promise you’ll walk away with this undeniable feeling: you can do hard things, and you don’t have to do them alone.
This post is a heartfelt collection of her most impactful quotes, aka my favorite quotes by Brené Brown, handpicked just for you. So, without further delay, let’s jump right in, shall we? And don’t forget to tell me which ones hit you right in the feels!
Oh, and I just realized, I’ve been going on about Brené Brown, but I forgot to tell you who she is and what makes her so incredible. Let me fix that.
Quick Pause: I know, I know, you came here for the quotes. But trust me, knowing a little about Brené makes her words hit even harder. Just a quick intro, and I promise it’s worth it.
Brené is a researcher, storyteller, and someone who’s spent over two decades diving deep into the stuff we all struggle with: vulnerability, shame, courage, connection, and everything in between. She’s not just about the big theories, though; her work feels real, like it’s meant for people like you and me trying to make sense of life.
Born in San Antonio and raised in New Orleans, Brené’s journey started like many of ours, messy and imperfect. She earned her degrees in social work and is now a research professor at the University of Houston. Her TEDx talk, “The Power of Vulnerability,” has been watched by millions (over 60 million), and she’s the author of six #1 New York Times bestsellers, including Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, The Gifts of Imperfection, and Atlas of the Heart that are basically life guides wrapped in warm, witty words.
If you’ve ever caught her Netflix special, The Call to Courage, you already know she has a way of blending humor, wisdom, and heart in a way that feels so personal. Her podcasts, Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead, are packed with deep conversations and practical advice that feel like a cozy chat with a wise friend.
She’s also a wife, a mom, and someone who openly admits she’s still figuring things out, just like the rest of us. That’s what makes her so relatable. Her words connect. And that’s exactly why her quotes stick with you long after you’ve read them.
So yeah, Brené is pretty amazing, and once you read her words, you’ll totally get why.
Brené Brown Quotes: Gentle Reminders to Show Up Brave and Real
Strong back. Soft front. Wild heart.
You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.
To practice courage, compassion, and connection is to look at life and the people around us, and say, “I’m all in.”
We can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.
Self compassion is key because when we’re able to be gentle with ourselves in the midst of shame, we’re more likely to reach out, connect and experience empathy.
The thing about shame that makes it so difficult is it needs three things to thrive in our lives… with secrecy, silence and judgment it grows exponentially.
As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out!
Change requires action, and action requires courage.
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
Shame is toxic. When toxic shame is at the core of our self-worth, it creates a sense of profound disconnection.
I believe that if we want meaningful, lasting change we need to get clear on the differences between shame and guilt and call for an end to shame as tool for change. That also means moving away from labeling.
Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is “I am bad.” Guilt is “I did something bad.
Shame is an epidemic in our culture, and it’s hampering our ability to live wholehearted lives.
Shame hates to have words wrapped around it. If we talk about it, it loses its grip on us.
Shame cannot survive being spoken.
I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful – it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.
Guilt is good. Guilt helps us stay on track because it’s about our behavior. It occurs when we compare something we’ve done – or failed to do – with our personal values.
What we know matters, but who we are matters more.
Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.
The question isn’t so much ‘Are you parenting the right way’ as it is ‘Are you the adult you want your children to grow up to be?’
I know, from the research and my experiences, that when it comes to parenting, what makes children happy in the moment is not always what leads them to developing deeper joy, grounded confidence, and meaningful connection.
To me, a leader is someone who holds her- or himself accountable for finding potential in people and processes.
I define a leader as anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.
Leadership is a practice, not a position.
Leadership is not about being the boss. It’s about creating safety for everyone to show up, do their best work, and develop their full potential.
Leadership is not about being in charge. It’s about taking care of those in your charge.
Leadership is tough. It requires the willingness to fail in a pretty public way. And if you are in a culture where there are great power differentials based on who you are, gender, race, ability, I’m gonna have a hard time accepting your results. That leadership only works for the best folks because who’s defining those folks?
Leadership is not about titles or the corner office. It’s about the willingness to step up, put yourself out there, and lean into courage. The world is desperate for braver leaders. It’s time for all of us to step up.
Daring leaders must care for and be connected to the people they lead.
Good leaders ask questions instead of giving orders.
A brave leader is someone who says I see you, I hear you. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m going to keep listening and asking questions.
When we dare to lead, we don’t pretend to have the right answers, we stay curious and ask the right questions. We don’t avoid difficult conversations and situations, we lean into vulnerability when it’s necessary to do good work.
The leader who doesn’t lead from the heart is only managing.
Effective leadership is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results not attributes.
Don’t try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.
Don’t puff up; don’t shrink back. Stand your sacred ground.
The opposite of play is not work—the opposite of play is depression.
Write a new ending for yourself, for the people you’re meant to serve and support, and for your culture.
DIG deep–get deliberate, inspired, and going.
We need to stop with these false separations with tough and tender. Tough and tender can coexist and to me that’s kind of the equation for badassery.
The willingness to show up changes us, it makes us a little braver each time.
Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.
Talk about your failures without apologizing.
What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? I pushed that question out of my head to make room for a new question: What’s worth doing even if I fail?
We don’t have to be scary when we’re scared. Let’s choose awkward, brave, and kind. And let’s choose each other.
What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think – or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?
Love and trust, in the absence of empathy, are transactional — You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.
Love is never absent. When we’re in the midst of struggle and pain, it’s hard to remember that, but it’s always there. The real work is to learn how to access it.
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
The practice of love is the practice of letting people in.
Love is the greatest thing we do. It’s the reason we’re here. We’re here to love.
Real love involves truth, accountability, and transformation. Without these elements, it’s not real love.
Love is not a noun, it’s a verb. Love — the feeling — is the fruit of love the verb or our actions.
I define love as an action that you take, a commitment that you make, and a promise that you keep to treat someone in a loving way.
Love is not painless. It involves vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt.
Vulnerability and shame go hand in hand. You simply cannot experience vulnerability without risking shame.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.
If you’ve created a work culture where vulnerability isn’t okay, you’ve also created a culture where innovation and creativity aren’t okay.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
No vulnerability, no creativity. No tolerance for failure, no innovation. It is that simple. If you are not willing to fail, you can not innovate. If you can not build a vulnerable culture, you can’t create.
Trading joy for less vulnerability is a deal with the devil. And the devil never pays up.
We think to ourselves: I’m not going to allow myself to feel this joy because I know it won’t last.
Vulnerability is the cornerstone of all emotions and feelings.
Vulnerability is the most authentic state. It means being open to both pain and pleasure.
The authenticity paradox: vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me and the first thing I look for in you.
When we shut ourselves off from vulnerability, we distance ourselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.
I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily lives. And I’ve come to the belief — this is my 12th year doing this research — that vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage — to be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen, to be honest.
The price of invulnerability is inauthenticity.
When you shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity.
A crisis highlights all of our fault lines. We can pretend that we have nothing to learn, or we can take this opportunity to own the truth and make a better future for ourselves and others.
Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period.
Squandering our gifts brings distress to our lives. As it turns out, it’s not merely benign or ‘too bad’ if we don’t use the gifts that we’ve been given; we pay for it with our emotional and physical well-being. When we don’t use our talents to cultivate meaningful work, we struggle.
We can’t do meaningful work without embracing vulnerability.
The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.
I’m not very creative’ doesn’t work. There’s no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t.
The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity.
If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild an engine, sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sing – it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning.
Whatever pain you can’t get rid of, make it your creative offering.
Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.
We need to trust to be vulnerable, and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust.
When we trust, we are BRAVING connection with someone.
Trust is earned in the smallest of moments. It is earned not through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.
I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.
Vulnerability is not about winning, it is not about losing. It’s having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.
Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.
We cannot practice courage without the vulnerability of knowing what’s at stake.
Vulnerability is hard, it’s scary, and it feels dangerous, but it’s not as hard, scary, or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves “what if I would have shown up, what if I would have said I love you, what if I would have come off the blocks?
Show up, be seen, answer the call to courage, and come off the blocks. Because you’re worth it. You’re worth being brave!
We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us.
The minute it becomes comfortable, it’s not vulnerability.
You do vulnerability knowingly, or vulnerability does you.
Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow – that’s vulnerability.
If you show me a woman who can sit with a man in real vulnerability, in deep fear, and be with him in it, I will show you a woman who, A. has done her work and, B. does not derive her power from that man. And if you show me a man who can sit with a woman in deep struggle and vulnerability and not try to fix it, but just hear her and be with her and hold space for it, I’ll show you a guy who’s done his work and a man who doesn’t derive his power from controlling and fixing everything.
My shield required that I stay small and quiet behind it so as not to draw attention to my imperfections and vulnerabilities. It was exhausting.
Everyone has a story that will break your heart. And, if you’re really paying attention, most people have a storythat will bring you to your knees.
Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
Owning our story can be challenging, but avoiding it is far more painful.
Maybe we lost our job or screwed up a project, but what makes that story so painful is what we tell ourselves about our own self-worth and value.
The irony is that we attempt to disown our difficult stories to appear more whole or more acceptable. But our wholeness even our wholeheartedness actually depends on the integration of all our experiences, including the falls.
You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.
Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites.
Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.
If you own this story you get to write the ending.
One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.
Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.
Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.
For many of us, our first response to vulnerability and pain of these sharp points is not to lean into the discomfort and feel our way through but rather to make it go away.
We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection.
I can encourage my daughter to love her body, but what really matters are the observations she makes about my relationship with my own body.
Laughter, song, and dance create emotional and spiritual connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration, inspiration, or healing: We are not alone.”“Like the word hope, we often think of power as negative. It’s not. The best definition of power comes from Martin Luther King Jr. He described power as the ability to effect change.
Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.
Here’s the bottom line: If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that get in the way—especially shame, fear, and vulnerability.
Shame is a universal experience. No one is immune to it.
Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us, it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable.
True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.
Belonging to ourselves means being called to stand alone – to brave the wilderness of uncertainty, vulnerability, and criticism.
We are complex beings who wake up every day and fight against being labeled and diminished with stereotypes and characterizations that don’t reflect our fullness. Yet when we don’t risk standing on our own and speaking out, when the options laid before us force us into the very categories we resist, we perpetuate our own disconnection and loneliness. When we are willing to risk venturing into the wilderness, and even becoming our own wilderness, we feel the deepest connection to our true self and to what matters the most.
To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.
If you can’t ask for help without self-judgment, you cannot offer help without judging others.
Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.
I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.
Loving ourselves means accepting our imperfections.
Learning to love and be kind to ourselves is a lifelong journey.
Self-love is never arrogance. It’s the birthplace of human connection and respect.
I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.
If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives, but will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgement at those of us trying to dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fear-mongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in your feedback.
If we shield ourselves from all feedback, we stop growing.
It’s easy to get to that place where we only do things that we’re already good at doing. I love that place. But it’s not good for me.
When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts.
Midlife: when the Universe grabs your shoulders and tells you “I’m not f-ing around, use the gifts you were given.
There are too many people in the world today who decide to live disappointed rather than risk feeling disappointment.
When we don’t talk to the people we’re leading about their strengths and their opportunities for growth, they begin to question their contributions and our commitment. Disengagement follows.
Today I choose courage over comfort.
Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.
We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying.
Shame happens between people and it heals between people. Even if I feel it alone, shame is the way I see myself through someone else’s eyes. Self-compassion is often the first step to healing shame-we need to be kind to ourselves before we can share our stories with someone else.
Shame is like a virus that is highly contagious. If one person is feeling shame, it’s almost impossible for them not to transfer that shame to others.
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
Shame loves secrecy. The most dangerous thing to do after a shaming experience is hide or bury our story. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.
We all have a story of shame. I think the difference between those who suffer and those who don’t is that the people who don’t suffer have learned to tell a different story.
We know from the research that unwanted identity is the most powerful elicitor of shame. If you want to know what’s likely to trigger shame for you, just fill in this sentence stem: It’s really important for me not to be perceived as ______.
Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling.
Shame is a soul-eating emotion.
We desperately don’t want to experience shame, and we’re not willing to talk about it. Yet the only way to resolve shame is to talk about it.
Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.
Shame loves perfectionist- its so easy to keep us quiet.
Shame is that warm feeling that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.
Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.
Courage is not staying quiet about things that make us uncomfortable.
Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage.”
Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.
Courage is contagious. A critical mass of brave leaders is the foundation of an intentionally courageous culture. Every time we are brave with our lives, we make the people around us a little braver and our organizations bolder and stronger.
By definition, entrepreneurship is vulnerable. It’s all about the ability to handle and manage uncertainty.
Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.
Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.
Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.
Live from our wild heart rather than our weary heart.
Courage is forged in pain, but not in all pain. Pain that is denied or ignored becomes fear or hate.
Nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I’m standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.
What we don’t need in the midst of struggle, is shame for being human.
Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands.
When I see people stand fully in their truth, or when I see someone fall down, get back up, and say, ‘Damn. That really hurt, but this is important to me and I’m going in again’—my gut reaction is, ‘What a badass.’
There is no greater threat to the critics, cynics, and fearmongers than a woman who is willing to fall because she has learned how to rise.
It’s much easier to say “I don’t give a damn” than it is to say, “I’m hurt“.
Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
We can be our worst selves when we’re afraid, or our best, bravest selves.
Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.
You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability.
How many of you want more love & intimacy in your lives? You can’t have that if you don’t let yourself been seen. How can you let yourself be loved if can’t be seen? Vulnerability is the path back to each other, but we are so afraid to get on it.
Most people believe vulnerability is a weakness but really vulnerability is courage. We must ask ourselves “are we willing to show up and be seen?
Vulnerability—the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome.
Courage gives us a voice and compassion gives us an ear. Without both, there is no opportunity for empathy and connection.
It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.
Courage is like—it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn to courage by couraging.
I believe that what we regret most are our failures of courage, whether it’s the courage to be kinder, to show up, to say how we feel, to set boundaries, to be good to ourselves. For that reason, regret can be the birthplace of empathy.
Pretending to be someone else or trying to be someone else to fit into a situation is just bad business. You are trying to fit into a place where you don’t belong. Fitting in doesn’t serve us at all.
The opposite of belonging is fitting in. Fitting in is assessing and acclimating. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are. It requires you to be who you are, and that’s vulnerable.
Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be in order to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.
Daring is not saying I’m willing to risk failure. Daring is saying I know I will eventually fail, and I’m still all in.
When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.
Empathy fuels connection; sympathy drives disconnection.
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic. It’s suffocation by resentment.
Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’
Empathy is a learnable skill, and we’re all capable of developing it. It’s like a muscle, the more we use it, the stronger it becomes.
The most powerful thing you can do when you’re in a shame spiral is to reach out and tell someone you trust.
If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.
Empathy is not just about listening to people’s stories and feeling with them, it’s also about recognizing the emotions they’re feeling and using that recognition to create meaningful change.
Empathy doesn’t require that we have the exact same experiences as the person sharing their story with us…Empathy is connecting with the emotion that someone is experiencing, not the event or the circumstance.
Empathy begins with recognizing our own story and enduring struggles in one another.
Empathy is the capacity to understand or share the feelings of another.
Empathy is a choice, and it’s a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.
If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm.
Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: “Who has earned the right to hear my story?” If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.
Rather than walking in your shoes, I need to learn how to listen to the story you tell about what it’s like in your shoes and believe you even when it doesn’t match my experiences.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.
If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.
Both our anxiety and our fear need to be understood and respected, perhaps even befriended. We need to pull up a chair and sit with them, understand why they’re showing up, and ask ourselves what there is to learn.
Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us.
Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.
The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.
To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.
Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.
The heart of compassion is really acceptance. The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become.
Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.
All of us fight hidden, silent battles against not being good enough, not having enough, and not belonging enough.
You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
Here’s what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if, not when, we’re worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.
Love will never be certain, but after collecting thousands of stories, I’m willing to call this a fact: A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all men, women, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.
Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect.
The magic is in the mess.
Perfectionism is not a pursuit of the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough.
Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it.
When perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying backseat driver!
Perfectionism is the belief that if we do things perfectly, look perfect, and live perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.
Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen.
Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.
Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect.
Perfectionism is not the key to success. In fact, research shows that perfectionism hampers achievement. Perfectionism is correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis or missed opportunities.
Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.
Life-paralysis is also all of the dreams that we don’t follow because of our deep fear of failing, making mistakes, and disappointing others.
That deep fear we all have of being wrong, of being belittled and of feeling less than, is what stops us taking the very risks required to move our companies forward.
Perfectionism is armor. Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence and it’s not about healthy achievement and growth.
We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen.
No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.
Perfectionism never happens in a vacuum. It touches everyone around us. We pass it down to our children, we infect our workplace with impossible expectations, and it’s suffocating for our friends and families. Thankfully, compassion also spreads quickly. When we’re kind to ourselves, we create a reservoir of compassion that we can extend to others.
The imperfect book that gets published is better than the perfect book that never leaves my computer.
When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.
We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.
Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.
Joy comes to us in ordinary moments. We risk missing out when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.
Healthy striving is self-focused: “How can I improve?” Perfectionism is other-focused: “What will they think?
It’s not about ‘what can I accomplish?’ but ‘what do I want to accomplish?’ Paradigm shift.
Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love.
Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection.
Connection is the ability to recognize our shared humanity and to invite others into a sense of belonging and worthiness.
I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.
One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on “going it alone.” Somehow we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It’s as if we’ve divided the world into “those who offer help” and “those who need help.” The truth is that we are both.
Sometimes our first and greatest dare is asking for support.
We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.
We can’t go it alone. We are biologically hardwired for connection with other people. In the absence of connection, love, and belonging, there is always suffering.
If you want to make a difference, the next time you see someone being cruel to another human being, take it personally. Take it personally because it is personal!
Show up for people in pain and don’t look away.
Cruelty is easy, cheap and rampant.
Even to me the issue of “stay small, sweet, quiet, and modest” sounds like an outdated problem, but the truth is that women still run into those demands whenever we find and use our voices.
Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending—to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. And I will choose how the story ends.
We run from grief because loss scares us, yet our hearts reach toward grief because the broken parts want to mend.
When we deny our emotion, it owns us.
I thought faith would say, ‘I’ll take away the pain and discomfort,’ but what it ended up saying was, ‘I’ll sit with you in it.’
Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.
We’re a nation hungry for more joy: Because we’re starving from a lack of gratitude.
What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.
I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.
Gratitude does not change the scenery. It merely washes clean the glass you look through so you can clearly see the colors.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
Gratitude doesn’t change the tough stuff. It makes it feel manageable.
Gratitude is a practice that shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present.
Gratitude is not a single event or an emotion; it’s a practice.
Gratitude is the recognition of goodness in our lives and a thankful response.
Compassion is not a virtue — it is a commitment. It’s not something we have or don’t have — it’s something we choose to practice.
Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.
We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time.
Pain will subside only when we acknowledge it and care for it.
The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.
Much of the beauty of light owes its existence to the dark.
There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.
Nostalgia is also a dangerous form of comparison. Think about how often we compare our lives to a memory that nostalgia has so completely edited that it never really existed.
Hope is a combination of setting goals, having the tenacity and perseverance to pursue them, and believing in our own abilities.
Hope is a function of struggle.
If we want to cultivate hopefulness, we have to be willing to be flexible and demonstrate perseverance. Not every goal will look and feel the same. Tolerance for disappointment, determination, and a belief in self are the heart of hope.
The universe is not short on wake-up calls. We’re just quick to hit the snooze button.
It’s an unraveling—a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you’re “supposed” to live. The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.
When I let go of trying to be everything to everyone, I had much more time, attention, love, and connection for the important people in my life.
Joy, collected over time, fuels resilience – ensuring we’ll have reservoirs of emotional strength when hard things do happen.
Self-compassion leads to resilience.
If you look at the current research, here are five of the most common factors of resilient people:
• They are connected with others, such as family or friends.
• They are resourceful and have good problem-solving skills.
• They are more likely to seek help.
• They hold the belief that they can do something that will help them to manage their feelings and to cope.
• They have social support available to them.
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
The ability to hold space for other people and to stay present to the uncomfortable and emotional parts of our own lives is what gives us the capacity to change.
The only way to change people’s behavior is to connect with them where they are.
You need at least one friend who will help you move a body. No judgement. There in a second. No explanation.
That’s a wrap! I hope these meaningful words by Brene Brown spark something in you, just like they did for me. Which one stood out for you? Was there one that spoke to exactly where you are right now?
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